is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
