I wannas sexs uuuuu
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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