I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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