She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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