There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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