Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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