So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
