i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My penis needs a shock collar
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
