I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
