That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
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Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
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Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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