I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
