the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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