Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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