is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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