So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
