i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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