Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm just crazy horny about you
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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