i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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