i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
