White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
