You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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