Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
