Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
