Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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