pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
