I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
