Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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