seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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