she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
