Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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