Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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