Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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