Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
