Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
