I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
