I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
