Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
