so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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