I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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