i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
