It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
