You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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