mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
