he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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