So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
