So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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