There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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