if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Can you bring me the toilet please
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
