is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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