Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
