I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
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Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
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Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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