Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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