I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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