He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
