the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
