If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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