what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
