things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
