So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
