I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
