i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
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Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
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For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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