So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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