im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
