So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
