lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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