Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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