This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
