Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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