I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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