Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
