You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
