I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I need a beard to bite.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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