Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
